Sex Shop Bell Hop

OK, my nerves are almost settled down after climbing the statue of Morelos. After a quick stop in a teeny tiny town to see a cool old church, look for a bathroom, and watch some complete moron take off his radiator cap too soon when his car overheated (it was like watching Old Faithful go off; I’m amazed we didn’t get to see anyone get cooked), I learned an important lesson. I found my Spanish still isn't quite up to snuff; for the life of me I couldn't understand the woman asking "should I serve the hot chocolate now, or do you want to wait for the red-head?" Sigh.

After I found the red head/universal translator and we got the hot chocolate to go (actually really bad atole, a traditional hot drink), we took off and twenty minutes later rolled into Morelia. It’s a city of just over half a million, but the downtown area is a Unesco World Heritage Site: tons of old colonial buildings, the governor’s palace, a great many churches and a huge cathedral, plus the old Roman-style aqueduct that used to supply all the water to the city. Sadly, we came here a few days after a terrorist attack, where seven people were killed and many others were injured. Lots of friends and family expressed concern over us going to Morelia right after this incident.

Iti’s dad’s take: “Now is the best time to go there. It won’t be so crowded!”

I gotta say, I’m with Arturo on this one.

We had the plan of driving into town and cruising or walking around to find a hotel. We get into the main square with the big cathedral (our Nuvi GPS had a hard time understanding what streets we were on, but all in all was more helpful than annoying), and OH MY GREAT FLIPPING GOODNESS the traffic was bad. Yeah, clearly there were no tourists because everyone was too afraid to come here. I was lucky enough to be driving; it was REALLY lucky that I don’t have any hair left, otherwise it would have all fallen out. I don’t know why it’s so hard in Mexico to a). put up traffic lights at busy intersections, and b). for people to OBEY traffic lights when they exist. Also, the whole way streets morph from one way to two way to one way… I need a drink just thinking about it…

We stop off at the first hotel we see, right across from the cathedral. Yeah, should have been a warning sign, but we’re not that smart apparently. I somehow manage to find a spot on the street right in front that’s not in the valet area, to wait while Iti checks it out. Well, since there was the attack a few days ago, this hotel had a “special”- you could stay there for the bargain basement price of $1300 pesos (about a hundred and thirty bucks US). The normal rate was three thousand pesos!! A little out of our price range. We drove around for a while with similar results (not even bothering to go into the hotel advertising five stars on it’s sign on the other side of the cathedral, but I’m totally staying there after I win big in the lottery).

Frustrated and sick of traffic, we by some miracle find a free, legal parking spot (last one in the city) a couple blocks from the cathedral, and start walking to find a hotel. We really didn’t want to pay a hundred bucks or more, after paying about $45 US the night before in Patzcuraro. How hard can it be to find a decent hotel in Mexico that isn’t expensive? We go into the first place; very nice, great courtyard, cool vibe, almost a hundred for a crappy room off the courtyard as their “special” rate. Guess business isn’t so bad this weekend, huh boys? We go to the next hotel, and the concierge/desk jockey was snobbish and condescending as we tried to bargain. Seriously, isn’t it better to give us a room for 600 or 700 pesos rather than have it go empty? Apparently not.

We walked around for like an hour and a half, not finding that many places and striking out on the ones we did find. The cream of the crop was about ten minutes by foot away from the cathedral and Café Row. We walk by this hotel that looked pretty decent on the outside- nothing special but respectable and clean. For the convenience of the guests, there was a XXX adult video store across the street on the corner. Even more convenient were the two “working girls” on the corner outside the vid store, in case someone needed a more personal touch.

I don’t know what possessed us to look in the place, but we checked out a room for the heck of it. The good news was the rooms were only thirty-five bucks a night. The bad news is I needed penicillin after just looking at the place- I still have nightmares about the bathroom. OK, it wasn’t that bad, but “sketchy” is the most polite way to describe the joint. You couldn’t pay me enough to sit on the top of the bed let alone climb under the covers and sleep on it. Yuck.

A few more strike-outs later, after consulting the local tourist information booth, we find a brand-new hotel for I think 600 pesos or so a night, including parking and a pretty nice breakfast to boot. It was a little farther walk to the cathedral, but probably only about twelve minutes by foot. We headed out to enjoy the afternoon, walk around the town, and check out some of the sights. OF COURSE, we pass maybe thirty five THOUSAND hotels that we didn’t notice when we were tired and cranky and looking for a room. I didn’t have the heart to go into any of them and ask about rates…

We did go to an amazing restaurant that night for dinner. For people who came to our wedding, it reminded me of a smaller version of El Candelero in Mexico City, the restaurant we went to the Thursday before I got hitched. Amazing decor, great fountain, very nice menu… the only negative was when they started blasting weird techno music that didn’t fit the scene at all. Still, it was a great restaurant experience. I’d highly recommend visiting Morelia if you ever want to get off the beaten tourist path in Mexico.

Just stay away from the seedy hotel right by the porn shop.

A Chicago Gringo in Mexico